You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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