ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
