Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
