The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
