I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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