Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry about my life...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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