she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How does one acquire holy water?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
