other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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