I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
