Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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