Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
