dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
