Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
