I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How's work?
Spinning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
