Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
