I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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