how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
