My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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