I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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