she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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