Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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