We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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