The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
