Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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