When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
