so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize