Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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