There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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