Me too!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
