fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
