I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I understand Curling. That high.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
