i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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