this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
