Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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