I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
