Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
