Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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