Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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