the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
