so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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