I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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