Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
