you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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