Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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