I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
