dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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