i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
