This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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