Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
