yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
