I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
