Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
