The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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