needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
