I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
