hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
