Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
