No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
