The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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