i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
