its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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