Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
