burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
