Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
