This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We have started to decorate penises.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
