I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
