New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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