Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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