I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
