I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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