If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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