you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
