I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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