he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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